To find, know, and possess the Divine existence, consciousness and nature and to live in it for the Divine is our true aim and the one perfection to which we must aspire.
—Aurobindo
The most important thing is to find out what the most important thing is.
—Shunryu Suzuki
What is it that truly drives us?
Uncovering the radically honest answer to this question and then committing our thoughts and actions to its realization means that we can live from wholesome intention. Of course, there can be confusion surrounding this type of inquiry, but if we allow our intentional questioning to penetrate deeply enough into our experience, we can uncover all that we will ever need to continue along the Path to Awakening. The important part is uncovering what we really want.
As an example of how this can go astray, consider the cliché of a middle-aged man who, for some reason, is driven to trade in his old car in order to drive a sleek and stylish car. What drives him to do this? It may have been his dream since he was young to own a car that can go very fast. Maybe he wants to reward himself for successes that he’s garnered. He might even feel that with his new car he’s better able to communicate a deep truth about himself. Or, he might feel a sense of lack somewhere and the new car seems like just the thing to compensate for, all jokes aside, his perceived shortcoming. Any of these reasons has some validity, but what truly drives him to make this choice? For that matter, what truly drives any of us at our most fundamental level? Whether it’s a new sports car, a new girlfriend or boyfriend, a new group of friends, or a new spiritual path, all of these examples simply act as weak bridges of connectivity to the perception of a more meaningful or at least more pleasurable life. Regardless of its cost or perceived purpose, the intention behind any accumulation is to fill the void that always accompanies the feelings of separation generated by our egos.
The good news is that once we see that no matter how many things we add to our experience, a personal void inevitably appears. We may even see this truth early on the Path. In fact, it is often the very situation that starts us on our spiritual quest in the first place. Yet once we reach the summit, we are allowed to stare into the Source of all that makes us who we think we are, and what we uncover is precisely what has never been missing; what has always been right here; what lacks nothing, and burns in each and every heart and mind of each and every being. Our descent down the Mountain is made easier if we maintain the courageous intention to meet this internal fire wherever it burns.
This intentionality is key if we truly wish to Awaken in this life. Learning to question our intention in everything we do helps this process along by keeping the small self and all of its activity from reclaiming its position of dominance, thus dragging us back down the Mountain altogether. If we can keep close to our deepest longing and question it fully as it arises, we are offered a chance to participate in life as the Big Self. Asking simple, self-scrutinizing questions—such as, “Is what I’m about to do a generous move, or not?” or, “Is this a loving move, or not?” or “Is this helpful, or not?” or “How much ego is involved in this decision?” or “Is there any clinging going on in my mind or in my body?”—can keep wisdom and compassion at the forefront of the way we exist in the world. Letting these types of questions guide the choices we make in each of our circumstances spontaneously uncovers our deepest intention. Finding our deepest intention supports the clarity that profoundly enhances the ways we meet each experience in each moment. Most teachers suggest that we sit on our cushions and meditate until we uncover our deepest, most generous intention. I think this is a great practice. I also think that allowing our deepest intention to reflect the attitude and nature of non-harming, will keep us going in the right direction on our descent.
This intention not to harm is the birthplace of compassion. As long as an intention is not harmful, compassion is born out of the fertile field of conscious presence. If, on the other hand, ego begins to attach to any outcome of the intention, no matter how wholesome the intention might be, then both the potential for compassion and the potential for an open approach to meeting all that arises will be limited to a contracted and perpetual series of egoic negotiations. Some traditions like to call these entanglements karma. If we look more carefully at the implications of this tangle of egoic give and take, we can see that as long as there is self-concern mixed into our activity, there will never be enough room for much generosity or love in any given situation. When our thoughts and actions are not grounded in the free expression of generosity and love but are instead rooted in the tangled greed of personal gain, we ultimately generate suffering for ourselves and for others since we have allowed the ego to climb back into the driver’s seat. In this position, the ego always alternates between clinging to its desires and avoiding its pain. Whenever we find ourselves in this place of greed and aversion, we are living from the small self. Recognizing this tendency and consciously practicing the intention to let go of it frees us from its grasp.
