It is important to remember that the events of insight are neither the measure nor the point of meditation. Rather than the flashiness of the Zen awakening experience called satori, our Path to Enlightenment is only about incorporating disciplined and conscious stillness in our day-to-day life. It’s a simple recipe for each of us: stop grasping, and engage the relaxation of our individual consciousness into the expansiveness of Universal Awareness—and, in doing so, move into our Big House.
As our practice begins to mature and our psychological and spiritual reorientation begins to express itself more deeply, we can generally see our experience develop along three stages. First, we watch the mind work to make the whole spiritual endeavor recognizable and manageable. Second, we experience resistance when uncomfortable stuff begins arising in our awareness. Third, we experience an unquantifiable glory descending upon and coming through us as we begin to move past the first two stages. These qualities—of recognition, resistance, and release—all may show up at different times, in different orders, or even all at once, but they all show up at some time as our practice deepens. The fact that they don’t necessarily follow any particular order, and that their intensity can vary, makes things confusing unless we have a good guide. But it’s also important to know that none of these processes is ever skipped as we move toward Awakening. There is no better shortcut other than simultaneously having a meditation practice, a teacher, and a group of like-minded spiritual friends.
In the stage of recognition, we tend to start our search by flirting with spirituality and its various practices. We get our feet wet, so to speak, but the mind doesn’t want us to jump in because that would require it to surrender too much of its sense of control. There are many practitioners with whom I’ve worked who stay at this level for quite some time. And why not? The small self can easily look superficially at whatever it is doing spiritually and turn it into something fun and interesting for both the body and the mind. Recognition is a stage rooted in deep familiarity and comfort for the small self since it may be reminiscent of its early collegiate experiences. Experimentation, conquest, intellectual stimulation, and inebriation are all qualities marking the high tide of the small self experience. Here, the ego is in charge. But more importantly, the ego is comfortable, and it loves for things to be comfortable and not too demanding of its energy. In spiritual terms, the ego often likes the soft and gentle approach of what a teacher of mine called “grandmother Zen.” This is because the comfort of the grandmotherly embrace allows the mind to stay in charge of both everyday life and a spiritual practice. A grandmotherly approach to practice might sound something like, “Best not push yourself too much with this sitting practice. Maybe sleeping in this morning is the best thing that you could do for yourself.” And so the ego stays in charge, recognizing that it can manage the spiritual quest. Ironically, this activity is little more than the ego seeing from its limited view and deeming it enlightened. This is a mistake.
Our minds work intensely at this stage to become enlightened, even though the mind is precisely what gets in the way of any truly liberating realization. As much as we might like to think of ourselves as being deeply rooted in a profound practice during this stage of recognition, our work here is usually quite shallow. It may be sincere, but its egoic orientation limits its depth. So this level of practice won’t be able to offer an end to anyone’s suffering. In fact, this level of practice usually makes our suffering worse.
The shallowness imposed by the ego eventually generates the source of resistance that defines the second stage of practice. As we’ve spent some time noting, ego’s job is, among other things, to resist what lies beyond itself. The feeling of resistance arises when the Infinite bangs on the door of our limited home. At this point, we can either choose to open the door to the Truth in spite of what awaits us, or we can run from the whole noisy affair and generate even more pain, deeper unconsciousness, and more intense patterns of resistance.
It’s a tough situation made tougher by the partial recognition of the Infinite. I’ve seen practitioners close to me get really discouraged at this point in their spiritual maturation because they have left the first stage of recognition and yet wherever they turn, there is neither Awakening nor complete delusion. They know enough to be dangerous to their own well-being, and their egos try desperately to get comfortable again. But they can’t find comfort. When we are in a place of resistance where we’ve outgrown the old and familiar egoic clothes and can’t yet fill the clothes we see hanging in the closets of the Big Home, we get torn apart. At this stage we are desperate, naked, and in a panic, which makes the challenges of a stillness practice even more overwhelming. Lots of practitioners, especially those who don’t have teachers and groups with whom to work, will decide at this point to give up on becoming Awake in this life. Still others press on.
Those who decide to keep up the practice of stillness, even when it hurts, move on to the third stage of release. When we no longer need to recognize or resist, we find that we are in a place of released spaciousness where massive shifts can occur. Sometimes, our stillness practice offers us glimpses of heaven when we are able to celebrate the mystery of it all, while at other times it lets hell in the door. Getting past the need to feel comfortable with either the view from the Summit or the arduous ascent allows for us to uncover a deep acceptance of whatever life may bring. When we no longer need to feel a certain way, resistance starts to dissipate. Once resistance falls away, we can release into the deep union of all things, whether our egos like them or not. Practice shows us that stillness brings an offering of peaceful resonance to every circumstance that might ever arise. This uncontracted Awareness is a bold reminder of what we are beneath all of our ideas, opinions, identities, roles, and feelings. We are the formless Infinity that includes and yet is beyond all form. Knowing this, we are no longer bound by our grasping.
But the realization of this third stage of release only means that we’ve glimpsed the Truth of who and what we actually are. Whether we have the discipline to remain close enough to our Big Home in order to eventually embody its offering is another deal entirely. Can we get past the stage of recognition, with all of its superficial trappings? Can we get through the stage of resistance, with its ever-increasing intensity? Can we surrender in a way that doesn’t deny or go after the things that arise in this life? Can we just sit still and be quiet, and release it all?
In stillness, we are the embodiment of surrender. We’ve let go of all the things that are personal and find ourselves relaxing in the midst of all that is impersonal. Stillness, and its impersonal nature, doesn’t move. It is the source of all movement. Silence, and its impersonal nature, doesn’t make a sound. It is the source from which all noise emanates. Stillness is never separate from anything, just like Spirit is never separate from anything. It is a radiant clarity that can’t be seen, since it is what gives birth to sight. It can’t be heard because it is the source of hearing. It can’t be sensed as a thing at all. But by surrendering to all things in each moment, we begin to know stillness deep within our bodies as the activity of our Ultimate Life, breaking through the cracks of our limited circumstance. In this instance, we are offered an open door into our new, Big Home.
