From the point of view of quantum mechanics, separation doesn’t really exist. At least that’s what scientists keep telling us. I don’t pretend to understand very much when it comes to quantum physics, but its implications point us in an interesting direction when it comes to discussions about the experience of being a “self.” For example, the only real difference between your “self” and the things around you is organization and energy. The last meal that you ate, for instance, is made up of the same, carbon-based physical matter that you will find in your own body. The molecules might be organized differently, and the flow and expression of energy are certainly different. But that’s about it.
To unpack this a little bit more, consider that on the scale of the very small, all things are simply the subatomic spin of the same Universe. Of course, structures, including subatomic structures, may be differentiated. Although I’ve never tasted them, quarks evidently vary in flavor. And I know that cows are not Cadillacs, and tennis balls are not bananas. But regardless of form, on the level of our most basic constituents, all things are made up of the same basic stuff. In addition, the flow of energetic impulses may vary significantly. My car functions differently than my liver, and on most days my computer functions differently than my dog. Looking closely enough, however, we find that despite their obvious differences, all of these things abide by the same physical and chemical rules of the Universe.
On the scale of the very big, the Universe contains everything and expresses itself as everything. In other words, nothing is ever separate from either the Universe’s structure or energy. The mathematics of our galaxy’s spiral is the same math that is at play in the waves at the beach and the double helix of our DNA. Every bit of every experience is always, simply and elegantly, One Song (Uni-Verse).
With this song playing, it’s not much of a leap for any of us to see that nothing can really be separated from anything else. It’s all just the Cosmos playing itself out with conventional boundaries, offering us the diversity that we see expressed in every moment of every day. And yet every bit of this diversity is still interconnected with everything else in the Universe. Since everything is connected, any separation we might perceive ultimately can’t be real. Since separation isn’t real, boundaries are illusiory. So who is it that makes and interprets these boundaries that we perceive and encounter in the real world?
Could it be our individual and collective minds that are doing the interpretation and implementation of all boundaries for us? In a word, yes. The mind is conditioned to build boundaries. As a boundary-builder, the mind will do its best to keep things organized and separated, since if there are no boundaries, it is out of a job. We rarely live from the perspective of seeing through the boundaries made by our minds. Instead, we habitually attach to them. Like monkeys swinging from tree limbs, our minds grasp whatever experience our minds tell us will maximize our pleasure, and we avoid whichever experience our minds tell us will threaten the continuance of this pleasure. Instead of getting out of the jungle altogether and recognizing ourselves as functional expressions of the Infinite, we struggle to hang onto the vines made by our minds. And this keeps us ensconced in a world of delusion.
Many of us have experienced crashing through the boundaries of our minds at some point even if we weren’t fully aware of it. Recall the last time your heart was opened by something as basic as a commercial on TV. You weren’t expecting it, but just seeing the tender images blended perfectly with the music pushed you out of the recognition that you are watching a pitch designed to separate you from your cash. Instead of feeling manipulated to tears, you relish the fact that you can have an emotional connection with a situation expressed by your fellow man. To be sure, the manipulation was intentional, and the job of any ad is to get you to buy a particular product. But the experience also points to a much bigger signpost on the path up the Mountain. That is, despite the normal sense that we are separate from everything, we are hungry for the felt sense of deep unification that the flow of the Universe offers us all the time.
Despite the odds against successfully altering the course of our mental flow, the mind, or we could say the ego, willfully fights for more boundaries, more separation, and more permanence. The ego does this by making sure that threats to its position of power are eliminated. At once it takes on the role of builder, fixer, and helper, as well as saboteur, destroyer, and assassin, all in the service of keeping itself in charge of its experience. In other words, if the ego senses it is losing control, it will either make things or break things, depending on what’s needed for its survival. It may make a new relationship or break one, depending on what it thinks it needs to stay in charge. Maybe it will buy a new car or home in order to make some pleasure, or it will avoid therapy sessions if it perceives therapy could break its ability to manage its pleasure.
By contrast, a self-sense that is consciously informed by the Infinite isn’t affected by any boundaries and doesn’t get caught by any of these perceived psychological threats. Rather, it is beyond the experience of separation and therefore free of fear. We can call this the “Big Self” since it is consciously informed by the deep unity of Spirit and simply witnesses this whole charade of the busy ego, or what we might just as easily call the “small self.” In all cases, the Big Self simply observes dispassionately as the small self either goes after or avoids the flow of circumstances in life. And while the Big Self isn’t separate from the small self, it is never subject to getting beaten down by the constant flow of the Universe’s currents. Nor is it ever caught by the cycles of pleasure and pain experienced by the small self. The Big Self goes beyond and yet permeates the entire unreal performance of greed, avoidance, separation, boundary and judgment offered by the ego.
At any point that we might consciously watch the ego play out any of its dramas, the Big Self arises as the watcher. It neither judges nor resists anything that shows up, it simply is open to whatever is there much like a mirror is open to what it reflects. Just as a parent might watch his or her eight year old in a school play, the Big Self lovingly observes that entity within us that flubs its lines and bumps into the scenery and does so without criticism or contempt. Recognizing this expansive quality and realizing that it is always available is a critical step on our journey.
Right now, in fact, there is nothing stopping you from recognizing the relationship that your small self is having with these words you are reading. Is there acceptance or resistance; appreciation or indifference? What are you feeling right now? Regardless of whether your feelings are positive, negative, or indifferent, the ability to witness them is the effortlessly still and open activity of the Big Self—something that we all share, all the time. Practice this throughout your day, and you will uncover a space within you and without you that is beyond decay and death, beyond greed and fear. This Big Self can watch death and decay, as well as greed and fear, arise in our experience, and yet it will never get caught by any feeling, since its sole purpose is to remain as an observing presence. Spiritually, this observing presence, as I’m describing it, is referred to in traditions as that which has never been born. Once again, we can also call this God, Spirit, Emptiness, Oversoul or the Unmanifest. Pick your own label. Just know that the Big Self points to what is precisely beyond these words. It is total stillness, and this ever-present stillness is what gives birth to positively everything that moves—including the contracted self. Since this still Big Self never moves, it is not subject to the movement of time. Since it is not subject to the limitations of time, we can say it is eternal.
